I’m taking score. Counting my wins. Sometimes we need to. Because every time we arrive at whatever it is we think we want, and we don’t sit and take it all in and tell ourselves we’ve done well, the next wish or dream is screaming out for attention. The more we accomplish, the more we believe we can. So the next thing on our path is an even bigger better (scarier) need/want/goal and if it’s worth having, it’s much more challenging. And we want it that way.. We’re allergic to boredom. After learning how to orbit the Earth, we just had to land a man on the moon.
Cut to one year ago. Remember when I wrote in an article Wait For It, that I’d spontaneously pulled the trigger and bought a house and moved into a new hood? I moved 3 times in 3 years. I know, right? I was way out of balance, feared I’d made a big mistake, basically overwhelmed. Thankfully my friend and financial advisor Ajay gently encouraged me to take some deep breaths, throw some lipstick on this pig of a house and stay at least for a year. And while I felt I was in exile from all the comfort and conveniences of La Jolla, I knew he was right. I needed to stop fanning the flames of loss and move forward with my life.
Living a beautiful life was something I learned and cultivated a dozen years ago. Farmer’s market on Sundays became a staple and I’d get sunflowers, tulips, whatever was in season to put in the kitchen. I rediscovered cooking and enjoyed having friends over for a bowl of minestrone soup in the Fall. I enjoyed a table well set. For crying out loud, I used cloth napkins even when making dinner for myself. After selling that home and renting for 3 years, I now realize that I had abandoned a lot of the comforts that make me feel grounded and secure. Flowers alone can do that for me. So can good art on the walls, food in the fridge, nice lighting in the evening, entertaining friends.
And now, finally forward to now. After deciding to put down roots, stay in this home for as long as I choose to, do some remodeling so I can love my sanctuary, I’m back in the saddle. It could sound like I need all these conditions in place to be happy but actually I’ve learned (again) that I am the source of my peace. When I started remodeling the house, I gathered a fabulous team of people to work together and we all had fun and the satisfaction of watching it evolve.
All the drama I had in my life a year ago has reminded me that I’m capable. I’m creative. I’m stronger than I thought. Good, loyal friends are invaluable. Working up a good sweat and being healthy and strong has no alternative. Nature is my soul food. God or the Source of All That Is, is my Guide and CoPilot. I knew all this but got kicked in the butt for forgetting. The more I ask out of Life, the high speed train that my life becomes allows for very little getting off track. Today in the car I was remembering all the things that I’ve ever wanted that I made happen. And the thread that made/makes all good things happen in my life was/is my curiosity, my enthusiasm, gratitude and awe, fun, and never a doubt. We are in control of all of these aren’t we? Wow. Just Wow! Please go make a list of all that you are!
Love you so much,
P.S. Take a minute and listen to the lyrics from a fave Jason Mraz song: Life is Wonderful